“When good men stand by and do nothing, evil prevails.”
I’m sure this is a (mis)quote but I cannot find the source to give reference or to check it.
I have witnessed a very peculiar thing, and been a part of it. There are many documented cases of muggings, murder, rape, etc happening in the presence of bystanders, who did nothing to help. I don’t understand the psychology of this, but it is clear that it does happen, and frequently.
Over the past year, I have documented and observed a number of things at my church that disturb me. I won’t go into the details of that here; but most of it concerned the pastor, who has been there around two years now. These issues are to the extent that I began to wonder if the pastor was actually a Christian; and at that point, I quit supporting the church with money or attendance.
On several occasions I had wanted to confront the pastor about these things, but family and friends advised me not to do so.
About a week ago, this came to a head. Correspondence between myself and the pastor resulted in setting up a meeting to discuss the issues I had discovered (the details of which he remains ignorant). He and a deacon were to come to my home so we could go over these things and try to make peace.
In the days before the scheduled visit, I prepared detailed notes of the issues to be discussed. I sent early copies to certain individuals that I trust, including my wife.
All agree that the documentation is good, the issues are real, and every one of these people think I am in the right.
But almost all of them advised me to drop it and not have the meeting. < EDIT 3/27/08: two of my friends pointed out that they did not advise me to drop it.>
I don’t understand this culture of silence, that says ‘thou shall not confront the pastor’. I simply do not understand why, knowing someone in authority is misusing that authority, he should not be confronted. I mean, the man is an employee, and I pay his salary, and I have a problem with his job performance. I don’t get it. However, when that many people tell me not to do something, I do listen, not being an idiot. They’re bound to know something I don’t.
So I called off the meeting, told the preacher that I would have no further communication with him, and it’s over for good. I will now leave that church and not go back until that pastor has gone.
And the man is still in his position, and he will continue to do the things he’s been doing, and nobody will call him on it. And, in my opinion, he is going to eventually destroy that church.
Beats me. It feels like watching somebody getting mugged. I have felt for months that I should take action to try to stop this misbehavior, or at least make sure the pastor is actually aware of what he is doing. But universally, every person I’ve talked to about this tells me to let it go. And so I’m done with it.
On the advice of good people, I will stand by and do nothing.
But I just don’t get it. And I don’t like it.
-Pop
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4 comments:
I don't know the specific details here, but I don't really understand why you've been advised to drop the issue altogether. Are these advisors afraid to rock the boat? Do they feel it's a hopeless cause? Shouldn't pastors be open to the opinions and concerns of their congregants and community?
RE: ‘looking the other way’
Hi Pop
On your ‘looking the other way’ article, I wonder if you have seen the TV reveal that some network did on that very subject? They had three volunteers approach a ‘victim’ in a public place like a park, beach, market place, etc. They would then begin to verbally berate that person about something. It could be about weight, clothes, hair, or anything that made him/her different. They would continue this ‘attack until the ‘victim’ was in tears.
They ( the cameras) would then record the reaction or indifference of those who happened by. For the most part, they would show their disapproval with some overt body language and continue on their way. Once in a while a Samaritan would arrive at the scene and retaliate verbally. But these individuals were few and far between.
I think I would be the type of person that could not keep my mouth shut. I have been in a similar situation and I did not like it. Nor would I wish it someone else.
But I have to take exception to one point in your entry. I know of one individual who agreed that the documentation was good, and the issues are real, and did not advise you to call off the meeting. If I did or said something to give you that impression, I assure you it was unintentional. Circumstances allowing. I would have traded places with you. Like you, I “just don’t get it”.
Sadly, some people in authority and/or power will do anything they can to maintain their position of prestige. Often times they are pragmatic, embellishers of the truth, insecure, and immature. (And those are their good points).
In his book, Bill Clinton responded to the question “Why did you have an affair with Monica”. His calloused response was, “Because I could”. It might be that the reason this type of personality continues unrestrained is because no one has ever challenged him on it. I can’t say I doubt his salvation because I have seen other Christians do far worse things. This much I will say. It is one thing to have ‘Preacher-speak’, and quite another thing to have ‘Preacher-heart’. Ideally it should be both/and, not either/or.
Your friend B.P.
Sometimes good people give bad advice based solely on what they assume the outcome should be for all involved - without asking the individuals what they want the outcome to be. Reconciliation was not possible here - not because your heart wasn't right in the attempt, but because in order to reconcile with someone they also have to have their heart right and be willing to listen and learn. Even when others are involved, you still should do what you think is right - even if it doesn't please anyone else. If the things you saw in your pastor are things that you will destroy your church, you should speak up. But, will you be the only one speaking? Is everyone else satisfied with what's happening? Texannewyorker asked the question, "Do they feel it's a hopeless cause?" I believe from my standpoint that it is! We've seen too many other churches "look the other way" when leadership fails to go in the right direction, simply because they believe the pastor "was called" and they don't have the right to go against him. They also are working from the idea that this pastor surely must be "God's man" simply because he has said he is. Maybe the calling should be questioned???? Others won't say anything because they are now in the "elite" and the ones who do question are now the "outsiders", even though they may have been working in that church for years. Do what your conscience dictates. After much prayer, you're the only one to make the decision. God is definitely in control, and regardless of who confronts this pastor (and someone eventually will) the end result will always be what God intends - not this pastor - not his deacons - not his associate - not his music director - not the secretary - but God! That's my only hope!
Thanks, friends. I still don't understand it, either. To me, you see something wrong and you confront it. Unless it is something so big you need to go get reinforcements before you confront it.
-Pop
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