On Hold for Customer "Service"...

I called a certain credit card company to discuss a discrepancy in a bill this morning. After listening to a seemingly endless series of ‘press 4 for this thing’ or ‘press 5 for that thing’ I finally got to the fourth level down, I got to the ‘press 6 to talk to a customer service representative’ which I did. That was the very last option in the menu tree.

Then I waited. And waited. Etcetera. I began to need to go to the bathroom. Pressure was building up. And I waited. And - finally - after about half an hour - a real live human got on the phone!

I discussed my business with her, and she was very helpful. Thank you, Ma’am.

This is “Customer Service” in the United States, today.

Their phone system is specifically designed to discourage you from actually talking to a human. Their goal is for you (the customer) to get frustrated and give up. That’s because they have to pay someone to provide ‘customer service’, and they don’t want to pay any more ‘customer service representatives’ than they have to. They don’t actually care if they have happy customers. I have never called customer service (since the advent of telephone answering computer systems) and had the option of talking to a real live human on the first level of menus.

This says something about our society. I’m not sure just exactly what, but I am sure it isn’t good.

This is right up there with the check-out lanes at Walmart and other similar retailers. When they put in a new Walmart in our town, I looked at the seemingly endless row of check-out stands and thought happily that we would never have to wait in line again!

To my disappointment (but not surprise), Walmart is careful to schedule just enough check-out personnel so that your average wait is 20 minutes. I would lay odds that they have done time studies and found that to be the optimum cost / benefit ratio to maximize profit vs number of cashiers they have to pay vs the level of aggravation customers will withstand and still keep coming back.

I’d rather go somewhere else, and pay more, to avoid the lines. Except - Walmart is the only place you can go and buy groceries, toilet paper, a chain saw, and DVD’s with only one stop. So what do you do? Practically speaking, I have to put up with it, but I don’t have to like it - and I don’t.

-Pop, curmudgeon in training...